Developing the skill to sit with our emotions

 As we navigate this long and winding journey of life, one of the most helpful skills to support us along the way, is the skills of being about to be with our emotions.  

Rather than resisting or pushing them away, we can choose to embrace them with openness and compassion.

This article will explore:  

• Why this is such a helpful skill 

• Practical tools and strategies to help you develop this over time.  

Why is the skill of being able to sit with challenging emotions so important?  

1. It helps to minimise emotional escalation 

Embracing our emotions is an act of self-compassion. Often, if we are experiencing a challenging emotion like anxiousness, for example...  

• we may feel uncomfortable that we’re feeling anxious 

• we may feel frustrated at ourselves that we’re feeling anxious 

• we may feel guilt or even shame around feeling anxious 

You can see here that from an original feeling, we can then attach many other difficult emotions on top, like an emotional pile on! This means that the emotional we carry becomes even heavier or more challenging. This can easily happen through the presence of judgement and self-criticism.  

Instead of judging ourselves for feeling a certain way or trying to suppress our emotions, we can offer ourselves kindness and understanding. Recognising that it's okay to feel a range of emotions allows us to treat ourselves with the same compassion we would offer a dear friend going through a difficult time. Being able to acknoweldge and sit alongside these emotions with empathy and care, means that we can minimise the effect of this emotional pile on. And the original emotion is freer to move, evolve, and dissipate in its own time.  

2. It helps us accept ‘what is’  

By learning to sit with our emotions, we acknowledge the reality that life is full of ups and downs. We cannot control every aspect of our lives, but we can control how we respond to them. Embracing our emotions allows us to accept the present moment as it is, rather than constantly struggling against it.  Knowing that, yes we will encounter overwhelming and painful emotions, AND that we have the internal resources and skills to be able to hold these, to process them and to move beyond them in time. This can have an incredibly liberating and empowering effect, and create a deeper sense of inner peace and strength within ourselves and our lives.  

3. It helps conserve our energy to use is other ways

Fighting against our emotions consumes a significant amount of mental and emotional energy. When we resist or deny our feelings, we end up exhausting ourselves in a futile battle. Embracing our emotions frees up this energy, allowing us to channel it towards more productive and fulfilling actions and behaviours.  

Tools for Sitting with our Emotions: 

1. Mindfulness practice: Mindfulness meditation is a powerful tool for cultivating awareness of our emotions without judgment. It is something that needs to be practiced. You could set aside a few minutes each day to sit quietly and observe your thoughts and feelings as they arise. Notice the physical sensations associated with each emotion and allow them to pass through you without clinging to or pushing them away. 

2. The Observing Self: In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), the concept of the Observing Self is central to developing emotional resilience. Practice stepping back from your thoughts and emotions and observing them from a place of detached awareness. Rather than identifying with your emotions, see them as passing experiences that do not define who you are. You might like to imagine them like passing clouds in the sky, gently notice them and watch them go as the move through your mind.  

3. Get super clear on your values: Clarifying your values can provide a guiding framework for how you want to respond to your emotions. Identify what matters most to you in life and consider how you can align your actions with these values, even in the presence of difficult emotions. When you connect with your values, you create a sense of purpose and meaning that transcends temporary discomfort. 

4. Cognitive Defusion: Cognitive defusion techniques help to create distance between ourselves and our thoughts and emotions. When faced with a challenging emotion, try prefixing it with "I'm having the thought that..." or "I'm noticing the feeling of...". This simple linguistic shift can help loosen the grip of difficult emotions.  

Like building any skill, this is something that takes time, practice and ongoing intentionality. As you are developing this skill of being able to hold and sit with challenging emotions, it’s important to be caring and compassionate with yourself in the process, and really recognise and congratulate yourself for any small wins and little improvements you are noticing along the way.  

If you would like professional support to help you with this journey of developing emotional resilience, please don’t hesitate to get in touch and we can explore how coaching can support you in a free, informal, no-strings attached discovery call.