How can I act with more self-compassion?
THE TWO KINDS OF SELF-COMPASSION
There are lots of ways we can be compassionate towards ourselves during times of need. Often the most common form of self-compassion that people think about is the nurturing side of self-compassion. This is about comforting ourselves, soothing, offering validation to our feelings. Here the focus is on being with ourselves.
But there is another side to self-compassion that we often overlook - fierce self-compassion. Fierce self-compassion is about acting in the world. It’s about being protective, providing for our needs, and motivating ourselves.
Take, for example, a person who is experiencing burnout at work. This person might engage in nurturing self-compassion by running themselves a hot bath and playing relaxing music at the end of a long day. Alternatively, or additionally, this person might engage in fierce self-compassion by speaking to work about cutting down their current workload.
In this exercise, we are going to explore these different aspects of self-compassion, and what actions you can do to cultivate your own self-compassion.
Step 1: Choose a difficult life situation
Get your pen and journal ready to answer these questions….
Recall a situation that you are having difficulty with at the moment. For example, you may be experiencing stress at work, or you may have had an argument with a family member. Describe this situation.
Step 2: Your nurturing self-compassion actions
Regarding your current difficult situation (identified in Step 1), come up with at least one self-compassion actions for each of the three aspects of nurturing self-compassion:
Comforting: What is one thing that you can do to take care of your emotional needs?
Soothing: What is one thing that you can do to make yourself feel physically calmer and more at ease?
Validating: What is one thing that can you say to yourself to validate your feelings?
Step 3: Fierce self-compassion actions
Regarding your current difficult situation (identified in Step 1), come up with at least one self-compassion actions for each of the three aspects of fierce self-compassion.
Protecting: What is one thing that can do to stop others that are hurting you or stop the harm that you are inflicting on yourself?
Providing: What is one thing that you can do to give yourself what you need?
Motivating: How can you motivate yourself with kindness, support, and understanding, rather than criticism