Exploring Alignment between thoughts, feelings and actions
‘True happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are the same thing.’ Mahatma Gandhi
How much do you agree with this?
So often in today’s society we can wrap up the idea of happiness with what we HAVE. It could be having certain possessions, having a good job title, having the perfect home...and we all know that these things don’t necessarily lead to a deep sense of happiness, however much the adverts try to convince us otherwise. Many of my clients come to me having what looks like the ‘perfect life’ on paper, and yet, they are not feeling the sense of happiness or fulfilment that they long for.
This quote then encourages us to go beyond these external factors and to look inwards towards our thoughts, beliefs and actions, and the alignment between the three in order to find a sense happiness or contentment.
Let’s dive a little deeper into this idea of alignment, and explore our own sense of alignment with our beliefs, thoughts, feelings and actions.
Our beliefs
Our beliefs are shaped by the world around us, how we have been brought up, our relationships, our culture and society. Millions of neural pathways are created and embedded in our brains holding these beliefs. They may be beliefs that really serve and support you and the world:- the belief everyone should be treated equally, the belief that you are a good person, the belief that you can achieve what you put your mind to. At the same time there may be beliefs that we hold that don’t support or serve us in the way we would like:- the belief that you’re not enough, the belief that other people’s needs are more important than your own, the belief that it’s your responsibility to fix every situation...
Any of these ringing true for you?
What are some of your beliefs that shape your worldview, and view of yourself?
Which of these are helpful and useful to you?
Which of these might be unhelpful, or holding you back?
What new beliefs would you like to create to support you to feel a sense of happiness or contentment?
Our thoughts
Our thoughts are then based in the foundation of these beliefs, and with the ‘confirmation bias’ that we as humans hold, if we believe something to be true, we will then find evidence to support this truth. For example; I believe that I am a talented artist, therefore when I create artwork, I will see the positives in my work and think that they are great. I might filter out the other three paintings that didn’t turn out so well, or think that they were just a work in progress and don’t reflect my true talent as an artist.
If, however, I believed that I am a terrible artist, making the same artwork as before, my thoughts focus on the bad peices, and I may think this is evidence that I can’t do art because these paintings are terrible, and I may ignore the piece that looks great, or dismiss it as a fluke.
(It is also worth remembering that many of our thoughts are a mechanism of our brains trying to keep us safe and away from danger. They may not be a true reflection of our beliefs at heart and so it is always good to acknowledge this, be aware, and even challenge some of our thoughts that may be trying to keep us safe but aren’t necessarily helpful.)
Here we can see how are daily thoughts can be heavily influenced and impacted by our core beliefs.
How does this idea relate to your own daily thoughts?
How do they link to your beliefs?
The good thing is we have neuroplasticity which means that we have the capcacity to actually create new neural pathways in our brains to create new thoughts, which may be more helpful and serving for us.
Our feelings
You might then be able to see how our beliefs and thoughts can deeply affect our feelings, both in the sense of our emotions, but also our physical feelings and sensations in our bodies. There has long been research into the powerful link between our minds and our bodies, and this can be such a huge source of useful data and information that we can learn about ourselves and our feeling of alignment.
Do you feel a turning in your gut when you think about a particular person?
Do you feel a tightening in your throat or chest when you’re imagining a certain possibility?
Do you feel warm and tingling when you take a certain action?
Sometimes we can think that we are enjoying something, for example, but our bodies might be telling us otherwise.
So often we can overlook these physical signs when our bodies might be trying to tell us something, it might be giving a very clear warning signal, but it can be hard for us to listen, acknowledge and then act on this information.
How often to you check in with your body?
What physical sensations do you feel that may be trying to tell you something?
When you feel uneasy, how does that show up in your body?
When you feel stressed or anxious, how does that show up in your body?
When you feel excited or in love, how does that who up in your body?
What can you learn from what your body is telling you?
Our behaviours and actions
Naturally flowing from our beliefs, thoughts and feelings will come our actions. Continuing the example from above, if I believe I am a great artist, therefore I might do more artwork on daily basis, I might show it to lots of people, I might apply for art school. If I believe I am a terrible artist, I might avoid being creative altogether. Either way my actions and behaviour will actually then reinforce my thoughts and beliefs.
It is important to recognise, that we do have control over this thought – feeling –action cycle. For people who have anxious thoughts for example, it can be very useful to identify, that our thoughts are not necessarily a reflection of reality, and that our thoughts do not have to dictate our actions.
This is a huge power that we have. By recognising that sometimes our beliefs may not be helpful for us, we can interrupt the pattern, and make things play out in a different way.
It is also noticeable how when we try to change our actions, it can be challenging to really make long-lasting change, if we don’t connect them to a core belief. When creating new habits for example, if you don’t truly believe that your body and health is important, you might find it very challenging to keep up doing regular exercise. Therefore, it’s important to address our beliefs in order to affect our actions too.
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You can see how this is such a rich subject area to delve into around our thoughts, feelings and actions, and how they all interplay and relate to one another.
I would invite you to spend some time in just noticing and building your own awareness around some of the thoughts and beleifs you are holding at the moment, whether you feel any incongruence in yourself, what is really helpful for you, and what might be getting in your way?
Which areas in your life do you feel truly in alignment?
Where in your life might you feel misaligned?
Coaching is a dedicated space to start working these things out in a safe and non-judgemental way. If you’d like support in feeling more alignment in your life let me know, and I’d love to support you.