The Garden Of Intentions
You can use this tool to help to quieten down your noisy self-critic and replace it with a kinder, more supportive voice. You might use it when you feel you've made a mistake, or you feel like you’ve disappointed yourself or others.
This helps you to reflect on the intentions behind your actions and use this as an anchor to go back to, to restore self-compassion and understanding.
Move your way through the questions below. You can do this either in your head, or using the questions as journalling prompts works really well.
Before using this exercise I recommend you read this article for further context and explanation. And there is an example further down this page to help you see how it can be used.
What is your wilted flower?
What is going on for you right now? What has triggered your self critic to start raising its voice at you? Is it a 'mistake' you've made? Have you done something that hasn't lived up to your high expectations? Do you feel you've let someone down? Or you've let yourself down?
What were your seeds of intention, where this flower began?
Think about your wilted flower, mentioned above. What were your intentions behind this? What did you want to happen? Understanding this can help us to be compassionate with ourselves. Your intentions were good, and that is what matters. What is a kinder, more supportive thing to say to yourself right now?
What are your blossoming flowers that have come from this intention?
Thinking of your seeds of intention, what flowers have been able to grow, flourish and blossom from these? What have you achieved? What difference have you made? What positive actions and behaviours have you done? What are your successes?
Reflecting on all of the amazing things you have done, and achieved, helps you to see that the wilted flower above, pales in comparison to the rest of your beautiful garden of positive impact, behaviours, habits, actions, and relationships you’ve created.
How are you feeling now, after reflecting on this?
What have you learnt? What can your kinder, more supportive inner voice say to you? What have you learnt about yourself?
AN EXAMPLE…
What is your wilted flower?
At work I was rushing to do everything on time that needed to be done and I made a mistake in relaying the wrong information to someone. I’m kicking myself as I feel like i’ve negatively impacted someone else's work, and I feel I shouldn’t have made such a silly mistake. I feel i’ve let myself down and not acting as professionally as I should be.
What were your seeds of intention, where this flower began?
I guess my intention was that I wanted to be efficient and get back to this person soon, so they weren’t waiting for my response. My intentions were to help them, and make sure that the work was being done to its best standard. In rushing to do everything, my intentions were just to keep everything running as smoothly and efficiently as possible.
What are your blossoming flowers that have come from this intention?
I have always wanted to be an efficient worker, and make a positive impact in my work, and actually I support literally hundreds of people a day, and offer countless support, advice and ideas which all have a hugely positive impact. My colleagues think I'm a really reliable co- worker and I always get praised for my consistency, attention to detail.
How are you feeling now, after reflecting on this?
I feel a lot better. I can appreciate more that overall I do a bloody good job, and I always come at my work with the best intentions to help people and have a positive impact, and I do this very well 99% of the time. I need to tell myself that I am human, and mistakes happen to everyone, and this is ok. Really, it’s ok!